A personal guide for parents who want to share more than legal instructions.
When you think about planning for your child’s future, your mind probably jumps to the essentials: naming a guardian in your will, creating a trust, and making sure the paperwork is all in order. But there’s another, often overlooked, piece of the puzzle that can bring clarity, comfort, and continuity to your child’s life if something unexpected happens: writing a Letter of Intent.
This non-legal document won’t replace your will or override any legal designations, but it can serve as a deeply personal guide for the person you’ve chosen to care for your child. It bridges the gap between legal planning and real life, helping ensure your child’s routines, relationships, and values are preserved as much as possible.
This post is a natural follow-up to our blog post Choosing a Legal Guardian for Your Children. If you haven’t read that one yet, we recommend starting there. Once you’ve chosen the right person and had those important conversations, this letter is the next step—your way of putting heart behind the logistics.
What is a Letter of Intent?
A Letter of Intent (LOI) is a written document that shares your hopes, insights, and instructions with the guardian of your child. It’s not a legal form, so it can take any shape that feels meaningful to you. Think of it as a love letter to your child’s future caregivers, one that offers guidance about day-to-day life, emotional needs, family traditions, and anything else you’d want them to know.
Why It Matters
Even the most prepared guardian can’t know your child like you do. Writing a letter of intent can provide:
- Reassurance during a tough transition
- Clarity about your parenting style, routines, and wishes
- Comfort to your child, knowing their guardian understands them deeply
- A helpful guide for caregivers navigating decisions without you
It’s especially helpful in the early days of adjustment, but it can also serve as an ongoing resource throughout your child’s life.
What to Include in Your Letter of Intent
There’s no one right way to write a Letter of Intent, but here are some key sections and questions to consider as you begin:
1. Daily Routines and Preferences
Help your child feel safe and secure by keeping familiar rhythms in place.
- What’s your child’s typical daily schedule?
- Do they have a favorite bedtime routine or a must-have stuffed animal?
- What helps them fall asleep, feel comforted, or calm down when upset?
This section is especially important for younger children, children with special needs, or kids who are sensitive to routine changes.
2. Health and Medical Info
When writing your Letter of Intent, include information that goes beyond what a medical record might say.
- Any known allergies or sensitivities?
- Do they have a preferred doctor, dentist, or therapist?
- How do they handle illness or pain. What makes them feel better?
You can also list medications, chronic conditions, and how they typically react to common medical situations.
3. Education and Learning Style
This helps guardians support your child academically and socially.
- What kind of school do they attend (or what type would you prefer)?
- Do they have an IEP or need extra support?
- What are they passionate about—music, reading, science?
You might also include your hopes for their future education or how you make decisions about schooling.
4. Spiritual and Cultural Values
This can be a deeply meaningful part of your family identity.
- Are there spiritual practices or religious communities important to you?
- Do you celebrate particular holidays or cultural traditions?
- How would you like those values to be honored?
Even if your guardian doesn’t share these beliefs, knowing what’s important to your family can guide respectful choices.
5. Family and Social Relationships
Help your guardian maintain connection with the people who matter most.
- Who are the key people in your child’s life: grandparents, cousins, close friends?
- Are there people you hope your child stays connected to?
- Are there individuals you prefer not to be involved?
List contact info and explain the roles those people play in your child’s world.
6. Hobbies, Talents, and Interests
This helps your child feel seen and valued for who they are.
- What brings them joy?
- Are there extracurriculars they love or want to try?
- Do they have a special talent or big dream you’d want encouraged?
7. Parenting Style and Household Rules
This isn’t about being rigid, it’s about giving context and consistency.
- What values guide your parenting?
- Are there rules or limits you’ve found helpful?
- What kind of discipline approach do you use?
This section helps guardians feel confident and your child feel familiar boundaries are still in place.
8. Messages from the Heart
This may be the hardest section when writing your letter of intent, but it’s often the most cherished.
- What would you want your child to know if you weren’t there?
- What hopes or dreams do you have for them?
- What do you love most about them?
Write directly to your child, if you like, or offer words of encouragement to the guardian. This is your chance to leave a little piece of yourself behind in the most loving way.
Keeping It Updated
Your child’s needs and routines will change over time, so aim to update your LOI every year or two, or after any major life change. Store it somewhere safe, alongside your will, and make sure your guardian knows where to find it.
Where This Fits in Your Estate Plan
The Letter of Intent isn’t legally binding, but it’s a powerful companion to your estate planning documents. It supports your chosen guardian by filling in the human side of caregiving that the legal forms can’t capture. If you’re working with a family law attorney or estate planner, let them know you’re creating this letter. They may have additional tips or suggestions based on your unique situation.
Express Your Love Through Words
No one likes to imagine a scenario where someone else has to raise their child. But taking the time now to put your values, routines, and love into words can make a world of difference, both for your child and for the person who steps into your shoes.Need help getting started on your estate plan or choosing a guardian? Our team at Stevenson Smith Hood Knudson, P.C. is here to help. We understand these are emotional conversations, and we’re honored to walk with you through them.
